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Has Obsessive Writing Syndrome
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Killing the Impossible but Killed by the Probable

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 4, 2009, 10:03 PM
I thought I did decently on my maths test. Well, screw that. I don't get why I can try so hard, think I'm doing really well, go to the test all confident, get a decent amount of the test down, think I've done at least decently, and STILL FAIL. I'm bloody sick of this, let me tell you. My maths scores all year have fluctuated violently, and have slid terribly this semester. This is prompting me to suggest that the change in teacher really has not helped. :disbelief: I hate failing maths, even though I hate it so. I try, I try, and it's for nothing. Even if I think I'm doing WELL on the test, what's the result? :( I do the work, I learn most of my stuff, I don't get particularly nervous over maths... so what's the problem, here?

It's something to do with the multiple choice. I always do the worst with multiple choice, ironically.

Ah well... I suppose it really can't be helped, but now I shall buckle down and study for the exams next week. I'm confident with my other subjects (English, Italian, Science), but with maths I keep worrying that something will go horribly and completely wrong. The "I suck at maths" mentality is really not helping...

What I really need to do is get a hold of a teacher who can help me go through it after the weekend is over. There's a lot to go through, admittedly, but if I don't do this and I fail the exam, I can pretty much say good-bye to Maths Methods next year, not that I really particularly want to do it, anyway. Aiyaiyai.

Anyway... in much better news, I got another 100 on my Geography project on terrorism. (slightly scary thought, no? *shot*) I also got 100 for my two point perspective and 95 for my PS2 cover in VC Manual. :D No one thought I could get this done in two days, because I was so ridiculously far behind (I put way too much work into my two point perspective piece) that everyone thought I'd end up not being able to complete something and failing. And here I am, passing with almost-flying-colours. :XD: I'm slightly proud of myself for that.

The coming English exam is going to be SO easy. All we have to do is write a Language Analysis essay. One quarter of the marks go to spelling and grammar alone. *laughs* Anyone dare me for full marks on this? Seriously? Because that's what I'm gunning for. :mwahaha:

The Science exam? This has mixed feelings, admittedly. However, I think I may be able to do fairly decently on it. I'll just need to study up some more, and look over the previous tests to see where I've gone wrong. And the Italian exam? That's just a matter of revision over the top of revision over the top of revision.

I've almost finished the last piece of work that I'll ever have to hand in for Year 10, too. Tomorrow's the final day of formal classes! :dance: I'm so close to finishing it, too, that I can pretty-much devote my night to NaNo, which I'm slightly behind on as a result of the work load.

Free time to do things like play video games has been more-or-less nil at the moment, but I don't really mind. Apart from maths, I'm fairly happy and actually really quite confident about my other classes.

Oh, and as an end note, I think my programming teacher may have given me a relatively high mark for my project. :love:

I shall stop the ramble now and get back to my little stub of a novel. ;)

  • Mood: Optimism
  • Listening to: The Second Waltz
  • Reading: Making Money
  • Playing: Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction

A Very Simple Question:

Sat Oct 31, 2009, 11:40 PM
Mum, why do you seem to hate me writing fiction?

I told you about the NaNo, and all you seemed to do was groan and grizzle and tell me that it was impossible.

Are you not proud that your daughter has found something that she loves to do? Something that she's actually fairly decent at?

Are you not glad that she's picked a hobby that utilises her brain and creative intelligence, rather than something mind-numbing and repetitive?

Why do you seem to be affected by something that really does not affect you?

And please, tell me why you are so angry and cynical that I'm doing well on my first day of the NaNo?

I'll keep writing fiction no matter what you say, no matter what you think. Because I don't want to just read it - I want to create it, however much effort it takes.

I refuse to stop doing what I love just because you don't like me doing it.

My apologies. I'm at fault, after all.

  • Mood: Annoyed
  • Listening to: The Second Waltz
  • Reading: Making Money
  • Playing: R&C: Tools of Destruction

Workload Problems

Wed Oct 28, 2009, 8:55 PM
This Sunday, the NaNoWriMo starts. Am I nervous? Heck yeah. But I'm going to try anyway. However, a more urgent concern lies with how much homework I have left. I need to finish off a team Geography project and a ton of VC Manual work that I never got around to due to my ULTRA COMPLEX BACK-BREAKING two point perspective. ^^; Since next week is pretty-much finish off/study week, I reckon I'll be able to get it done then.

However, mixing it up with the NaNo? It's a crazy idea, but I'll try. Because if I don't finish every last scrap of my VC Manual work, I kind-of fail, so... ^^;

If I don't respond much from here on until the end of November, you know why, and I'm sorry. Just make sure you remember that if I don't respond or make any new comments, well... I'm certainly not ignoring you. It's just that lately, my messages have piled up and I just haven't been able to get to things. :paranoid:

I'm afraid today and tomorrow may be the last few times I'll be reasonably contactable, and even then... I have a maths test tomorrow. So I just don't know. It'll be luck of the draw on how long it'll take me to finish studying, or how well I can multitask studying. :shrug:

  • Mood: Anxious
  • Reading: Going Postal
  • Playing: R&C: Tools of Destruction

Scared

Sun Oct 25, 2009, 4:46 AM
I can feel my stomach starting to tighten already. This isn't, of course, painful, but what I'm absolutely sure is coming most-certainly is. It's never missed a beat for an entire year, and each time it gets... worse. God, why now, really, why now? I have Programming tomorrow, and I can't afford to miss it because of the project. But, of course, do the cramps from hell care?

No.

I can see it coming already. I've prepared as much as I can this time - even going as far as avoiding fatty foods for the last few days and living on fruit and vegetables, and taking vitamin Bs - but I don't know if it's all going to help, and it makes me... I have to say it makes me scared. It really does.

All I can do is keep hoping that it won't come.

Just gotta keep hoping...

  • Mood: Anxious
  • Reading: Going Postal
  • Playing: R&C: Tools of Destruction

Anyone else having problems?

Sat Oct 24, 2009, 11:55 PM
EDIT: Nevermind, it started working again! :love: And, here are the messages I've been wanting... :aww:

I've been trying to get into my emails all day, and I think I've been able to successfully get in... once. Just once. So, just out of curiosity, is Hotmail buggy for anyone else today? :paranoid: And has anyone gotten this message...?

ERROR
Due to an internal error your request cannot be processed.

Sorry. I have about three or four emails that I KNOW are in there, and I REALLY need to get to them TONIGHT. Anyone have a fix? Something? Anything? :worry:

  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: the birds...
  • Reading: Night Watch
  • Playing: R&C: Tools of Destruction

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